self – Page 9 – Words' End

September 22, 2004

Equinox.

Molly pronouncing us wed

Ethan and I married each other yesterday evening. This first of two weddings took place on the eve of the autumnal equinox. Our friend Molly, a minister of the Universal Life Church, officiated; her husband David smiled and looked generally radiant in his too-cool-for-words top hat; and Zhenya and Jo Ann, my brother and sister in law, witnessed. In attendance was also my four-year-old nephew Tesher, injecting his usual whirlwind excitement at the world.

I met Ethan at Burning Man 2003. Took off driving across the country after that event, not knowing whether I’d see him again, but knowing that something was right with the world. That was August last year.

September we spent largely on the telephone, surprised again and again at the similarities in the worldviews we had developed so carefully before we knew each other. In October, he visited me for three weeks that seemed a long, crisp, sunny day full of tea and quiet work side by side. In February, he moved out to Providence from Seattle; in June, we found ourselves a different apartment to live in. Just over a year after seeing each other – really seeing each other – across a dusty nighttime dome for the first time, we wed.

Ethan is calm and centered, our friend Alex remarked last week, when we visited him in Chicago. Yes, and he’s almost supernaturally intelligent, kind and hilarious. His capacity for caring about other human beings, whether he knows them or not, has inspired me to live more fully, and more simply. His approach to the breakneck pace of daily life that has characterized our first year together continues to remind me what is important, and what isn’t. His encouragement of my professional choices, and the days he has spent working with me on humanities computing tools (another coinciding interest!) is heartwarming. He’s an experimental soul, in just the ways I like. I feel more fully realized as a person.

We got dressed up and went for sushi, because can you really picture any large event in my life not being centered around food? It was noisy and hectic in that little room, but both the company and the food were impeccable. Zhenya, Jo and Tesher had driven up all the way from New York, and later took off again with cheerful fortitude. Molly and David stayed with us, long enough for us to get a coffee together. Smiles all around.

Now, we’ve formalized it. Now, as we settle in for the winter, we dream of spring, when we’ll get married all over again, with friends and family around us. Really, this has all been a ploy to have our wedding night last many moons.

We didn’t get much sleep last night. I am bleary, happy. All is right with the world.

Some of yesterday’s photos are here.

June 22, 2004

solstice

Solstice is incarnate in my life this year, for it is my love’s birthday.

We shared last weekend with friends old and new at firefly, coming back home rather later than planned. Today, we showered, ate glorious Italian brunch food, read about consciousness, prepared and ate festive lunch and dinner food, and saw Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter… and Spring. All day, as in the few days previous, I have watched this light-filled, sparkling being by my side, and have laughed to myself, delighted at the adventure of knowing him.

Happy birthday, Ethan, my longest sunny day. Race you to 29.

March 9, 2004

Nightmare?!

I never have nightmares! What the heck? Perhaps this one was prompted by the sleep study questionnaire I filled out last night, which asked whether I ever had nightmares. Hm.

I was in Italy somewhere, I think it was supposed to be Rome, but parts of the city looked uncannily like Kishinev. In the place where I was staying (some friend’s?), Satan (a rather handsome chap in a black-and-red suit, sans horns) brutally killed and mutilated some truckers. One of the other girls in the apartment (women were the only live beings in it at that point) discovered them, and my best friend (who was there and immediately took charge) said we all had to clean it up. I felt terrible, but said I couldn’t look, because I’d have nightmares for a month or more. I was a coward even in a dream.

(That bit came from extensive perusal of our Netflix queue last night, in which I mentally noted some horror flicks, and also made a note to myself to not watch them. Because I’d have nightmares for a month. What is it with the month?)

Anyway, I left. Feeling bad, not to mention frightened, I had to get out of the city: there’d been another murder proximate to me, and I’d had enough. I get on a bus and get off a random stop, hoping to not run into anyone I know. And run straight into M*. Who looks uncannily like Bruce Campbell.

The alarm clock beeped (at 5am, and I was actually grateful for the early wake-up time), and I lay in bed rather unsettled for a while.

Now I go have breakfast with a woman whose name is the closest to mine, ever.

—
*M is a person I’ve never met, whom I know through scholarly veins, and with whom I’ve had very strange interaction.

March 8, 2004

Happy women’s day!

It’s International Women’s Day. Happy 8th of March!

Despite the lack of updates, it’s been an eventful month. I gave a talk at a brown-bag seminar at, well, Brown; and it went remarkably well. Ethan moved here from Seattle, which consumed us logistically for a week or two but, oh, is worth it. Both my work and my personal well-being are much improved.

Entirely selfishly, I am giddy to have access to both a ricemaker and a breadmaker now. Oh, and a wok. These implements of culinary creation, coupled with finding a couple of excellent Southeast Asian markets around Providence, have rather shaken up my daily diet in the best of ways. Incidentally, as long as you stay away from Thai Kitchen brand anything, I cannot recommend mamster’s Thai curry highly enough. Actually, here: take a look at his other food writings. They are as amusing as they’re informative.

E. and I have successfully (“victory!!”) collaborated on writing a paper abstract, which was submitted too late to be considered for a conference session, but we’ll find a venue for it. We continue to talk about the logistics of Roland^HT and I am hopeful for the project, if a little frustrated by not dedicating quite enough time to it. This last one should improve now that the exciting double-appointment, Italian-and-Comp-Lit faculty search is over. Amongst the applicants are a couple of really excellent women, and I fervently hope that one of them will join us.

I have begun to teach Italian to RISD students. They’re a trip, complete sweethearts, and that priceless combination of razor-sharp and willing to throw themselves into conversation in a language they barely know. It’s a really fun gig, and although it’s technically a distraction from what I should be doing (*cough* dissertation *cough*), it’s actually great for my own morale.

Tomorrow evening, I go in for a sleep study. That’s exciting! Perhaps we’ll find out why I become sleepy, regardless of how rested I am, if I sit in one place for too long. Becomes a bit of a problem when spending long hours at a computer, or, say, driving to Boston…

The weather had been improving until the weekend. Saturday it rained and rained; Sunday it was sunny and gorgeous; and today, it is snowing again. But the days, they are getting longer; and my mood is definitively on an upswing. We’re full of activity over here. I keep noticing little things and mentally filing them in the “to blog” category, and… well, you know.

Earlier this morning, right around 6:30, a skunk waddled across our neighbors’ backyard. It was light already, so either it spaced on the whole hide-in-daylight thing, or it was rabid. Cute.

February 5, 2004

Mouse whoa.

Never advertise having done a book review on your blog unless you’re prepared to have the book’s author respond. I will take up Espen’s quibble soon, as it’s actually an important question with regard to further work that I’m doing on the subject of literary study and its methodologies.

In the meantime: it’s confirmed, there are mice in my apartment. Before I resort to poison, I wonder if anyone knows of a way to get rid of mice without killing them. Are there scents that mice really dislike? Any suggestions?

January 28, 2004

Orkut oracle

Today’s fortune:
Happy events will take place shortly in your home.

Well, indeed! Getting rid of more material possessions (something I enjoy doing once in a while, a bit of purge), for my love’s moving here in nine days. How strange and exciting is this?!

I’ve been working more consistently. I like serenity deep inside.

January 19, 2004

round and round.

I get into these mental loops

where I take the time to reconnect with myself and my [larger-than-Roland] world
and all the while question whether I can afford to be taking the time
but *know* that it’s important, and that it’s what keeps me happy
but then wonder if I’m just a slacker who’s all talk and no action

and then I look at my work and think no, I’ve done some things I’m proud of, and others are in progress
and return to the reconnecting, but go through this same loop again
none of it is drastic, just kind of comes and goes in waves

taking time out to reconnect should probably happen regularly, no matter what, because burnout is no fun and after a while you just start spinning your wheels while trying to work, and not using time efficiently —
but the trouble is, overload-mode is sometimes my most productive time

but yes, it’s important to take the time regularly
although it doesn’t get me out of the loops: I’m a graduate student, am not *supposed* to have a life ever

etc.

December 15, 2003

Again to arms, and software Q

The electromyography showed no nerve damage. woot! This means that what I have is painful tendonitis, and not carpal tunnel syndrome. No surgery necessary, etc.

So, I’m checking out voice recognition software. Dragon only seems to be available for Windows, but that same company makes ViaVoice for Mac OS X. Anyone know anything good/bad about it? Or – have you heard of other OS X voice recognition software you can recommend?

December 10, 2003

EMG

On Monday, my hand doctor says, I am going to get an electromyography. She’d like to see if my forearm muscles are getting damaged enough to worry.

I’ve been trying to take care of my hands and arms, but haven’t been trying hard enough, obviously. Wake up and re-prioritize, again.

(Re-prioritizing doesn’t mean typing less; I don’t think I could cut down enough for it to matter. Working more responsibly, giving myself breaks, icing the tendons, taking Aleve, taking the time for yoga, that I could do.)

I dislike feeling physically limited. Am also deeply thankful that this is my biggest limitation.

September 28, 2003

Although work has been proceeding apace, most of the week’s important happenings have been of a personal nature. It’s difficult to write a work-related entry when one’s emotional self is otherwise preoccupied.

Nothing drastic is happening, I just felt the need to explain the silence. Since this is supposed to be a weblog and thus Frequently Updated, and all.

I’ve been doing some more recentering, connecting and re-connecting with people via my favorite methods of interaction (one-on-one or in very small groups), searching for – and finding! – equilibrium. This semester trips on the heels of a turbulent summer, and sustainable strength is a most appealing quality-of-life enhancer. I’m pleased to say that so far my attempts at increasing daily stability (thereby enhancing productivity) have been reasonably successful. Will our heroine become a mellow-voiced, light-emanating-from-center-of-forehead, new-agey bore? Not bloody likely. But the light is becoming bright and even, indeed.

autumn’s here, and more artists are dead.