taking it personally – Page 32

March 26, 2004

Now that’s research.

Whlie doing some online reading about modafinil’s possible interactions with alcohol (I’d like to know whether I can have a glass of wine every once in a while), I came across the following gem:

One healthy male volunteer developed ideas of reference, paranoid delusions, and auditory hallucinations in association with multiple daily 600 mg doses of Provigil and sleep deprivation. There was no evidence of psychosis 36 hours after drug discontinuation.

These people’s conclusion? “Caution should be exercised when Provigil is given to patients with a history of psychosis.”

One healthy male volunteer. One. Six hundred milligrams when the maximum recommended dose is four hundred, and sleep deprivation to boot. And they’re making pronouncements as to what they think should and shouldn’t be done with the drug? Aiie!

March 25, 2004

cooking indian

“Okay, let’s see what this recipe says.”

“Well, we’re gonna need the cauliflower in florets, right? I’ll do that. Hey, we don’t have ghee. Oh, you’re using butter.”

“Right! And in the butter goes – guess.”

“Let’s see. Cumin seeds!”

“Right! And?”

“Uh. Turmeric!”

“Yes! Aaaand?”

Ginger and chilis. How could I have forgotten.

…

“It’s fizzly.”

“It says the rice and mung beans need seven cups of water, but I think it’s on crack.”

Discussion ensues as to whether the water should be cold or hot. Warm wins, and the rest is eyeballed. Rice and tiny yellow half-moon moong bean halves are cooked in more butter and spices, pre-browned cauliflower and some frozen peas thrown in and the heat cranked. The fragrant result, created between readings about an equine Roland (who also, as it turns out, dies), is tasty.

March 21, 2004

modafinil

I would’ve been posting, but early last week suddenly found myself unable to log into my MovableType install. The lessons I learned from this are two: one, that it is always better to have one geek in the house than a whole support forum full of them on the Interweb; and two, that at any point your sysadmin might upgrade a database and not tell you. To be fair, the sysadmin didn’t know I needed to be told; hence the advantages of having a geek in the house.

They’re easy to feed, too. Unless you add too much chili powder and asafetida to your soup; then you just get to blush and feel remorseful.

The sleep study (sorry this is so late, Johanna) revealed that I do not, in fact, have narcolepsy in any form. On one hand, this is reassuring; because, hey, no narcolepsy – or any other sleep disorder they could see, for that matter. On the other hand, I’m still sleepier than I should be. Granted, my schedule is highly variable; but the doctor was realistic and did not even suggest changing my schedule (this would be entirely impractical, for me). Instead, she prescribed modafinil (Provigil), a non-amphetamine stimulant, relatively new on the market.

I’m still experimenting. I don’t know how well this’ll work. For the moment, it’s interesting: modafinil seems to be more or less a wonder drug, though that will probably change when there’s more research data on it. For the moment, it’s said to not be addictive, and there are no grave side effects commonly associated with it. It may or may not be affecting my mood, but the jury is still out on that one.

I’m no biochem specialist, but from what I’ve read, instead of supplying the body with a lot of stimulant hormone, modafinil seems to inhibit the brain trigger that tells us we’re tired. It does not make me jittery or “speedy,” and is thus far considered to not be habit forming. Its effects last 8-12 hours, and it does not make it difficult to fall asleep – unless, of course, you take a significant dose of it too late into the evening. Based on others’ reports, it does not seem to be effective in perking you up when you’re already tired.

Having started to take this stuff last Tuesday, here are some positives so far. I get to regulate my dose; they have you start at a quarter of the maximum, and find what works for you. (I’m at the minimum right now, and don’t intend to go much higher.) I’ve felt not only more alert, but more easily able to concentrate. However, there is a noticeable drop in energy level as the drug wears off, and it’s not so much the tiredness itself as the abrupt transition that gives me pause.

Since Tuesday, I’ve had maybe two cups of coffee, a few cups of caffeinated tea and less than a can of caffeinated soda. This is big, for me: I get habituated to caffeine easily, so it’s difficult to balance using it as a stimulant with absolutely loving a good cup of coffee. Separating the two would be grand.

There is a warning on its documentation that modafinil may interfere with the effectiveness of orally administered hormonal birth control, by making you process the hormones more quickly. This has been tested by one study, which used just over thirty subjects; only sixteen of them were given modafinil and not a placebo. They were all on the pill; so things like the Nuva Ring haven’t been tested. Also, these women were given 200 to 400mg of modafinil – the highest dose – for a month. This is all the information available about the interaction so far; the rest, for the moment, is up to individuals and their doctors.

March 9, 2004

In about an hour

they’re going to hook up electrodes.

to my BRAIN.

!!*

* this is meant to indicate excitement, not worry. I’ve done this before. Tomorrow morning, I’ll get to see my brain’s electricity while it was sleeping! How good is that?!

March 9, 2004

Nightmare?!

I never have nightmares! What the heck? Perhaps this one was prompted by the sleep study questionnaire I filled out last night, which asked whether I ever had nightmares. Hm.

I was in Italy somewhere, I think it was supposed to be Rome, but parts of the city looked uncannily like Kishinev. In the place where I was staying (some friend’s?), Satan (a rather handsome chap in a black-and-red suit, sans horns) brutally killed and mutilated some truckers. One of the other girls in the apartment (women were the only live beings in it at that point) discovered them, and my best friend (who was there and immediately took charge) said we all had to clean it up. I felt terrible, but said I couldn’t look, because I’d have nightmares for a month or more. I was a coward even in a dream.

(That bit came from extensive perusal of our Netflix queue last night, in which I mentally noted some horror flicks, and also made a note to myself to not watch them. Because I’d have nightmares for a month. What is it with the month?)

Anyway, I left. Feeling bad, not to mention frightened, I had to get out of the city: there’d been another murder proximate to me, and I’d had enough. I get on a bus and get off a random stop, hoping to not run into anyone I know. And run straight into M*. Who looks uncannily like Bruce Campbell.

The alarm clock beeped (at 5am, and I was actually grateful for the early wake-up time), and I lay in bed rather unsettled for a while.

Now I go have breakfast with a woman whose name is the closest to mine, ever.

—
*M is a person I’ve never met, whom I know through scholarly veins, and with whom I’ve had very strange interaction.

March 8, 2004

Happy women’s day!

It’s International Women’s Day. Happy 8th of March!

Despite the lack of updates, it’s been an eventful month. I gave a talk at a brown-bag seminar at, well, Brown; and it went remarkably well. Ethan moved here from Seattle, which consumed us logistically for a week or two but, oh, is worth it. Both my work and my personal well-being are much improved.

Entirely selfishly, I am giddy to have access to both a ricemaker and a breadmaker now. Oh, and a wok. These implements of culinary creation, coupled with finding a couple of excellent Southeast Asian markets around Providence, have rather shaken up my daily diet in the best of ways. Incidentally, as long as you stay away from Thai Kitchen brand anything, I cannot recommend mamster’s Thai curry highly enough. Actually, here: take a look at his other food writings. They are as amusing as they’re informative.

E. and I have successfully (“victory!!”) collaborated on writing a paper abstract, which was submitted too late to be considered for a conference session, but we’ll find a venue for it. We continue to talk about the logistics of Roland^HT and I am hopeful for the project, if a little frustrated by not dedicating quite enough time to it. This last one should improve now that the exciting double-appointment, Italian-and-Comp-Lit faculty search is over. Amongst the applicants are a couple of really excellent women, and I fervently hope that one of them will join us.

I have begun to teach Italian to RISD students. They’re a trip, complete sweethearts, and that priceless combination of razor-sharp and willing to throw themselves into conversation in a language they barely know. It’s a really fun gig, and although it’s technically a distraction from what I should be doing (*cough* dissertation *cough*), it’s actually great for my own morale.

Tomorrow evening, I go in for a sleep study. That’s exciting! Perhaps we’ll find out why I become sleepy, regardless of how rested I am, if I sit in one place for too long. Becomes a bit of a problem when spending long hours at a computer, or, say, driving to Boston…

The weather had been improving until the weekend. Saturday it rained and rained; Sunday it was sunny and gorgeous; and today, it is snowing again. But the days, they are getting longer; and my mood is definitively on an upswing. We’re full of activity over here. I keep noticing little things and mentally filing them in the “to blog” category, and… well, you know.

Earlier this morning, right around 6:30, a skunk waddled across our neighbors’ backyard. It was light already, so either it spaced on the whole hide-in-daylight thing, or it was rabid. Cute.

February 5, 2004

Mouse whoa.

Never advertise having done a book review on your blog unless you’re prepared to have the book’s author respond. I will take up Espen’s quibble soon, as it’s actually an important question with regard to further work that I’m doing on the subject of literary study and its methodologies.

In the meantime: it’s confirmed, there are mice in my apartment. Before I resort to poison, I wonder if anyone knows of a way to get rid of mice without killing them. Are there scents that mice really dislike? Any suggestions?

January 28, 2004

Potage des haricots blancs, coutesy of Stu.

Oh, it is nice to know foody people. Witness:

Sautée some onions, carrots and leeks in butter. Add a hambone* and the already soaked white beans (3 cups dried) to that, and 7 cups of chicken stock. Cook forever. Take out the bone, and purée. Add 1 cup cream. Consistency of soup should be that of heavy cream. Put some freshly minced parsley in at the end.

* or smoked pork hoc, or sautée up some pancetta together with the initial veggies.

Excellent, excellent. The only thing I added was a bunch of pepper; and could’ve probably used a bit more salt, but watch out: the ham might provide quite enough salt on its own. What a marvelous, simple cold-weather soup. Crusty bread with it, mmm.

How many carrots/leaks/onions? Hell if I know. Eyeballed it, putting in one huge chopped carrot, half a thick stalk of leek and half an onion, the latter without cutting it. I wasn’t sure about the amount of the onion family in the soup, and rather dislike soups that are too onion-y. So ended up taking the regular onion out at the end. In retrospect, could’ve probably put in a bit more leek; I think I like the smoky-mild taste of it, sautéed. The large half-Spanish-onion was just right. The cream I put in was light, and heavy might have just overdone it, for once. The final dish is gorgeous and velvety, with its Great Northern bean and real chicken broth base.

(Yeah, I made real chicken broth, as Whole Foods had chicken bones and I’m huddling at home as much as I can in this cold. Hopefully, this time I’ll actually freeze some of the broth to use later. Simple! Chicken, potato, onion, carrot, parsnip, Vegeta, parsley. Simmer. Don’t forget to take off the foam after the meat simmers a while, or it won’t be clear.)

January 28, 2004

Orkut oracle

Today’s fortune:
Happy events will take place shortly in your home.

Well, indeed! Getting rid of more material possessions (something I enjoy doing once in a while, a bit of purge), for my love’s moving here in nine days. How strange and exciting is this?!

I’ve been working more consistently. I like serenity deep inside.

January 27, 2004

A little too close to home.

Coming out of the supermarket yesterday, the sunset drew a sudden, laughing “whoa!” out of my chest. Cold, not a hint of the star’s heat getting through; but clouded over just enough to make the western sky a fireplace in nature’s home. Whispy orange dissolved into the gray-blue around it, and all the colors were steel-shimmery, this is what our human technology wants so painfully to achieve.

I clutched at my shopping bags with the full-spectrum bulbs and chocolate in them, my little spells against the winter. Had we never emigrated from my beautiful city, I would likely still be reasonably well educated and lived the best life I could in the changing seasons halfway across the world.

Or, regardless of my social standing or level of education, I could also have been lured by the prospect of a better life, trafficked, raped and beaten into a submissive stupor, and imported into the United States as a prostitute-slave.

Do I know any of these girls?…

so sad.