Did I mention SAD? Because it’s still that ton of bricks.
You know those days when everything gets to you? It’s been two weeks.
Three hours at Firestone today, only to have my car not pass state inspection (a correctable mechanical problem, nothing to be ashamed of, emissions are fine) didn’t help at all. Why three hours? Because they misinformed me about when they opened, and then proceeded to lose my insurance card. Spent an hour looking for it and calling the ins. co. to have them fax over a copy, because damned if I was going to drive out of there without proof of insurance.
Whine, bitch, moan. But it’s getting to be a serious problem. I’ve been nearly unable to work. We’re working on getting bright lights, and I’ve called around to doctors who (says my health ins. co.) have experience with SAD listed on their profiles. Left messages for, I’d guess, well over a dozen of them. You know how many have called me back?
Two.
The fact that I’m blogging random personal desperation is itself a big huge red flag. This is no longer “ah, me.” Part of me wants to get under the covers and not come out. Another part wants to yell heeeeellllllp.
Ethan’s been brilliantly patient and helpful through all this, down to sitting down with me to do web design, but he can’t rewire me. I’ve got about zero magic dealing powers left.
Granted, I’m painfully ignorant about such matters, so pardon the intrusion if this is simply a silly suggestion (though suddenly an almost painful use of alliteration) —
Have you tried one of those lamps that put out light similiar to what you would get from the sun? I’ve heard they help w/ SAD, but have always been curious if this is, or is not, the case.
In any event, I hope you feel better soon.
Jason – I think lights will help, yes. We’re working on building a little… a little thing. with the lights. Kind of like a lamp, but four high-lumen-output fluorescent-bulb lamps in one. Hopefully, that’ll do some good.
Thanks for the well wishes.
I’m sorry to hear how bad you’re feeling, Vika. My advice is to see your doctor, and if s/he advises taking some kind of anti-depressant, take the advice seriously. Re-read Liz Lawley’s take.
I hope you feel better.
Spouse has some traits of SAD. When we lived further north, it was quite pronounced. Spouse never had it treated, and I’m sorry that I never encouraged her to have it looked into earlier.
Actually, it’s hard to know whether moving south helped, since Judu was born two weeks before we moved. Spouse developed post-partem depression, which only began lifting last spring after a breakdown. That was in turn precipitated by my own nervous breakdown in November last year. Spouse is now on trileptal, a mood stabilizer. Initially I attempted to treat mine through zoloft and therapy, but as I note here, the zoloft has had mixed results for me. I finally decided I needed to see a psychiatrist, which I did, coincidentally, today. I was diagnosed as Bipolar II, the same diagnosis as Spouse. (Bipolar II, I learned, is rapidly becoming the default diagnosis for any combination of depression and anxiety.)
Apparently, people with mood conditions seek each other out, and the relationships generally work until both parties hit the skids at the same time. In any case, BPII is usually treated with a mood stabilizer (most of which are also anti-epiletpic drugs) and an occasional anti-depressant.
I say this just so that you don’t feel like you are alone, or that you need to keep it inside. Really it’s fine, and pretty much my whole department at FU�a couple of them are even old Tigers�is on some sort of psychiatric medication (and those who are not should be).
I hope you are feeling better soon! Hang in there.
jwb
I found this through Jimbo’s blog–I’m having pretty much the same shit you are, down to the not being able to get ahold of doctors problem. Christ, it’s so frustrating. Or it would be, if I could bring myself to care. :P
I had very similar issues when I was in college, and went straight to my professors in the Psychology department who studied SAD. I was a bit disappointed at the professors, and took my roommate’s advice on getting various lamps in the house.
I also ended up using my father’s advice, which was a bit of a change in my own living, but to try to make the best of the daylight hours. Sitting by windows, in the sunniest part of the room (like a cat), insisting on window seats in the library, etc.
Good luck finding a doctor.