Six years today since my father died. I’ve learned many lessons since then. From time to time I wonder what our relationship would be like, were he suddenly to come back. Don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering this.
Back from California, with a cold given to me by brother and nephew, who brought it with them from New York.
The funeral was… a funeral. It was sad. We cried.
I feel like my grandmother left so long ago, it’s difficult to find the words for talking about her death as something recent. Far more real for me was my mother’s pain, and my uncle’s. From this perspective, the family time was a very good thing indeed.
Now we’re back, and I would be diving right into the work if not for the cold that waylaid me in the morning and early afternoon. And I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour (unrelated)! Guess today’s a sick day.
Last week Ethan and I and other family had a long and at times heated conversation about politics, environment and other controversial topics. My mom and I have one of those more or less every time we see each other, and given that we’re on the opposite sides of the political spectrum from each other, you can imagine how they tend to go. One thing, though – we’re learning to not let the disagreements cloud our interactions for days. I guess that’s a good thing.
I’m all for providing information, but hate it when someone force-feeds it to me. So, WHEREAS I desire to share information on contentious topics with my mother, AND I love her, AND I don’t want to force all of it upon her, LET THEREFORE be established a new purpose for this weblog, BEING to more thoroughly document my perception of the world.
Let’s see if this lasts for more than a day, mm? I was always terrible at letter-writing, and diary-writing, and blogging. I’m hurtling headlong into the (hopefully?) final stages of my dissertation. But the world keeps going, and I need an outlet – and a tangible link to the outside of my head.
The evening after our big debate, I found the following interesting bits on the web.
Personal Responsibility
Wired reports that people can cause earthquakes! The 5.6 one that took place in 1989 in Australia was caused, National Geographic says, by 200 years of coal mining. And, HA ha, the extensive damage done by the earthquake cost more than all the coal they got out of that mine, put together. The damage and undoubted deaths aren’t funny, but in a perverse sense, the whole thing is. Remember, gang: what we do with our environment affects everyone.
Global warming isn’t new. It’s happened before, it’ll happen again. With or without us. Except that this time around, it’s us making it happen.
Fear not, though, some of us are acting to make things better. Jyllands-Posten reports that Danes will have access to bioethanol by 2010. Denmark is generally pretty cool, as Brad DeLong documents in “The Scandinavian Model.”
So what can you do? Well, for one thing you can offset the emissions you generate through travel by buying energy credits. Their calculator is flawed, but the money goes to developing renewable-energy projects.
Depending on where you live, you may also have the option of paying a little more to get your energy from renewable sources only. Here’s one place to start (in the US, at least).
You can even join Al Gore’s information troops.
Giving The Man The Finger
All passports issued by the US State Department after January 1 will have always-on radio frequency identification chips, making it easy for officials – and hackers – to grab your personal stats. Getting paranoid about strangers slurping up your identity? Here’s what you can do about it.
They do warn that tampering with these chips is illegal, and let me emphasize that I’m linking to someone else’s article here. Don’t shoot the messenger, Mr. Man!
Just Cool
Off to the doctor’s. Y’all take care now, y’hear?
My grandmother died last night. We’re flying to Lost Angels on Monday. I’m numb, don’t really know how I feel.
It was time – she’d had Alzheimer’s, had stopped recognizing my mother. None of that makes it better.
I had a dream about her last night. It involved … well, first we were sitting around a table with a very earnest Young Pioneer in dress uniform saying Very Earnest Things. Then we (babushka and I) were watching that same person on a webcast, or something. She said something inane, and we both went “That’s bullshit!” in unison. And the video stream blinked out. She then turned to me and said, “Maybe her feelings were hurt.”
The funeral will likely be on the 2nd – the day, in 2001, when my father died. Might as well make a dark day darker, I guess.
Do you know what I did today? I worked on Roland. It was bliss.
Partly it was bliss because I worked on Roland, which hadn’t happened (not reliably or for any significant length of time) for a couple of weeks. I did more dissertation work when I was traveling – in the interstices among those five trips in the space of two months, the last of them being in mid-November – than I did in the last two weeks.
At least, for once I wasn’t slacking. During that time I wrote something like 8000 words in different venues, most of which writing was “public” (like the final NEH report for the two-year Virtual Humanities Lab). I think, all things considered, things went pretty well with all the obligations. Only a few relatively minor balls dropped, unless someone isn’t telling me something big.
Then there was Thanksgiving! And it was grand! For the first time in a long time I wasn’t with my family. That wasn’t the part that was grand; the good part was that I got to meet my two, uh, half-brothers-in-law. Who are in their early to mid-20s, and both funky and interesting and smart and well-traveled. It was good to spend time with Ethan’s family again, those I’d met before and new acquaintances. Including the puppy, to whom I didn’t become allergic for hours. Hooray for modern medicine.
Then we came home, and this week we have a cold. Nasty cold, too: I took yesterday off from work completely… eeexcept for the totally-burning stuff.
And tonight, I started in on Roland again. I have to encode everything I’m going to encode for the thesis (which is not all of Roland’s corpus, that’ll take years more than I have) by the end of December, so thought I’d make a list of everything that still needs to be encoded. Oh boy, it’ll be a fun month! Good thing I’m lovin’ it. tm.
I’m so tired of travel.
On Friday I came back from the latest – to Maryland on Tuesday, to give a talk at MITH; and then DC for the Reinvention Center conference. This was my fourth trip in just under two months: the other three were to Nebraska (digital humanities workshop), Fredericton (text-analysis conference) and Chester, Vermont (Readex Digital Institute, which got extensively blogged here). On Tuesday I leave for Chester again, to return on Wednesday after a meeting. This is the blessed last trip for the foreseeable future.
Don’t get me wrong: all the events I went to have been fabulous (see below), and I’m looking forward to going back to Readex. But – and I’ve known this from the start – this is too much travel right now.
The talk at MITH went well. I guess the crowd was a bit diminished compared to their usual; it was election day, and there was a Human-Computer Interaction event precisely coinciding with my talk. Nevertheless, it was a good group, and boy, they really mean it when they call these things “Digital Dialogues.” They jumped right in about five minutes into my talk, and the lively conversation didn’t stop for the next hour and a half or so. I showed the Virtual Humanities Lab and we talked about collaboration, its logistical issues and benefits-vs-drawbacks and ways in which VHL can be made a more friendly collaboration environment. It was great to receive feedback from people not only interested, but way more knowledgeable about the state of the field. It felt easy to be there; they’ve created a great atmosphere both for conversation and for work.
Wednesday I took advantage of MITH’s generous offer to use their “coffeehouse” space for work. That evening I found myself at the downtown Washington hotel where the Reinvention Center conference was to take place in the next two days.
I’ve a ton of notes from that conference. I only got to go because my dissertation director was leading one of the sessions, and asked me to be his session recorder; this way the Center gives a few grad students the opportunity to see what’s going on in research universities around the country, while at the same time getting young’uns to more or less write the proceedings. A more than fair price, I must say.
So I’d been reasonably interested in the conference, but had no idea how useful it would be and how much new information I would get that will be applicable in my near-future work. For one thing, I saw the largest concentration of high-level university administrators that I’ve ever seen before. Not sure what the ratio of administrators (and staff, like librarians) to faculty was, but it felt something like 2:1 or maybe even 3:1, and perhaps 300 people in attendance. (I may be wildly off here. It’s just an estimate.) I’ll have to go over my notes later and perhaps write it up here, if I get to it.
If I get to it. Friday I came back; and yesterday my adored husband took me out for a romantic evening out that stretched well into this morning. I had no idea what we were doing; turned out, we were going to an Ani DiFranco concert. Well, holy shit: I hadn’t been to a concert in a long, long time, and had only seen Ani in concert once. It was a treat. Not only does she rock the the house, but she is touring while quite pregnant, and her happiness with where she is and what she’s doing could be felt all the way at the back bar where we were standing. She had with her a stand-up-bassist and a percussionist with a xylophone and a steel drum and a bunch of other unusual rhythm instruments. Beautiful sound, mostly good crowd, amazing energy.
Then we reconnected over dinner and conversation and general dalliance. This past summer, going into early fall, was difficult for both of us. We both had to reduce and eventually stop taking anti-depressants: welcome to U.S. health care, which left us scrambling for two months (three in Ethan’s case). In the fall we both dove into new work, and have been trying to catch up with each other ever since. Last evening (orchestrated in part by a kind friend – many thanks!) was a badly needed one.
And now… now there’s more work. The final VHL report to the NEH is due at the end of the month. My write-up of our session at the Reinvention Center conference is due at the same time. I’ve got a job app to send out tomorrow, blessedly almost done but still on the to-do list. Tuesday-Wednesday there’s the trip, and my next task for the dissertation is the transcription and encoding of around 600 lines of poetry. Then there’s another fellowship app to get together.
And then there’s the social life, without which Vika gets to be a dull and sad girl. Tonight we were treated by our fabulous housemate to Marie Antoinette the movie, which had an unexpected soundtrack (Aphex Twin!) and was generally not half bad. Monday (tomorrow!) we have a friend visiting. Haven’t seen her in a long long time, so I’m really looking forward to it, and to the inevitable good food associated with the visit.
So what do I do? Instead of getting some sleep I write a long blog entry. Ah well, at least now I have a de facto to do list. There’s more to write about – details of the movie, Sean McMullen’s The Miocene Arrow which I’m enjoying these days, my relationship with the uncertainties of life after May, various anxieties about whether I’ll finish the dissertation in time. But all these can wait. Good night now.
Via the inimitable Ms. Bitch comes a link to a Washington Post article (free registration required, I believe): “As Europe Grows Grayer, France Devises a Baby Boom.”
France has woken up to a bit of population crisis going around Europe: all of Europe is below replacement rate, meaning the population count is going down. In addition, they like families. You know, have family values. I remember hearing something about that in the U.S., vaguely and only once or twice.
Some excerpts from the article:
When the municipal day-care center ran out of space because of a local baby boom, the town government gave Maylis Staub and her husband $200 a month to defray the cost of a “maternal assistant” to care for their two children.
When Staub delivered twins last December — her third and fourth children — the nation not only increased their tax deductions and child allowances, the government-owned French train system offered 40 percent discounts off tickets for the parents and the children until they reach their 18th birthdays.[...]
France heavily subsidizes children and families from pregnancy to young adulthood with liberal maternity leaves and part-time work laws for women. The government also covers some child-care costs of toddlers up to 3 years old and offers free child-care centers from age 3 to kindergarten, in addition to tax breaks and discounts on transportation, cultural events and shopping. [...]
A century ago, France was one of the first European countries to face a declining population. Since then, almost every elected French government — regardless of party — has instituted laws that encourage bigger families and make it easier for women to keep their jobs while raising children.
Now that’s family values.
You would’ve been 69 years old today. Instead, you’re five and a half years gone.
So many things on my mind, but the one that keeps surprising me – you’re an inspiration. You’ve taught me, by example, what to do – and what not to do.
Perhaps I’ve grown into how our relationship had changed, how my understanding of you had changed, in those last few years. I used to do things despite you and your stubborn will (that’s what you get for passing on your genes), but now I do them to honor you. Ironically enough, you still wouldn’t approve of some key choices I’ve made. But that doesn’t matter, it would still be nice to share them with you, and argue until we’re hoarse and it’s way past bedtime.
You are the reason I want to believe in the possibility of meeting you again someday.
Jewish lore says (or so I’ve heard, anyway) that the living are allowed to summon the dead for a year after death, whenever, to help with the grieving process; and that then it’s time to let them go where they will. Wherever else you might be, you’re in my blood, and I can summon that part of you whenever I damn well please. Happy birthday.
Welcome, Sylvana Campbell Gruesz, daughter of Colleen and Carl! A big one she is, 9lb 3oz. Born last night by c-section for positioning reasons, mom and baby seem to be doing fine so far. I hope to see them soon, perhaps even today.
Dance the dance with us, baby. We’ve been waiting for you.
(I was thinking of diminuitives to her name last night. Sylvana – Syl – Sylly!)
2006 has been decidedly a mixed bag so far. An extended family visit was emotionally draining, despite its many shining moments. Driving home through sleet was about as much fun as it sounds, and when we got home we were so exhausted that there was immediately a vicious fight and subsequent bad feelings lasting well over half an hour.
…I’m pretty lucky, huh? E. and I have our problems, and it’s been a difficult couple of weeks, and there are issues to work on, but I have never experienced a long-term relationship in which love truly does conquer all. Quickly, even.
Today, I am sick; mostly, it seems, from allergies to Aki the Cat Who Charmed The World (Including His Catsitter). Muscle pain too, though, so it might still be a cold caught from Tesher the Nephew Who Couldn’t Stop Coughing (But Who Is Still Charming As Hell). See lucky, above: Ethan has been cleaning the house for the past hour or so, while I’m sequestered in the living room.
But none of this matters. Yesterday, Rhode Island became the eleventh state in the Union with a medical marijuana law on the books. The bill was first passed last summer, and in his infinite scientific good judgment, Governor Carcieri vetoed it immediately. State Senate overrode his veto a while back; yesterday, the House did the same. HELL YES. Finally.
The document can be found here. It provides the opportunity to use marijuana for medical purposes, and protections that go therewith, to patients suffering from AIDS, multiple sclerosis, cancer and other debilitating diseases. Here are some excerpts:
Modern medical research has discovered beneficial uses for marijuana in treating or alleviating pain, nausea and other symptoms associated with certain debilitating medical conditions, as found by the National Academy of Sciences’ Institute of Medicine in March 1999 [...]
According to the U.S. Sentencing Commission and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, ninety-nine (99) out of every one hundred (100) marijuana arrests in the United States are made under state law, rather than under federal law. Consequently, changing state law will have the practical effect of protecting from arrest the vast majority of seriously ill people who have a medical need to use marijuana.[...]
States are not required to enforce federal law or prosecute people for engaging in activities prohibited by federal law. Therefore, compliance with this chapter does not put the state of Rhode Island in violation of federal law. [...]
Boo yah. The distinction between medical and non-medical use is made loud and clear, and the lawmakers were careful not to include any politically inflammatory language regarding the war on drugs in general. Damaging and senseless as the marijuana prohibition has been in general over the past… oh, eight decades or so, this isn’t the place to fight it. The point is, people in Rhode Island who spend their days in pain and misery can now alleviate that pain without being considered criminals when no other pain reliever works.
Thank you, Rhode Island legislature. This step toward sanity is courageous in the current political climate.
I’ve been in a slump of varying sorts. Luckily, it’s ending.
Work is going… well, it’s going. At least some of the projects that had been stalled, are moving. The way this was accomplished means a lot more work for me, but at this point I’m happy to do it, rather than battle communication issues.
I’m terrified of the impending end to the grant period (not until June, but still!). We’re running out of time. On the other hand, this makes things exciting, and now when I say “X has got to be done now” people can’t ignore me, or tell me to go take a chill pill.
Submitted an abstract for a conference right on the due date (of course), and a book review somewhere between a few days and two weeks late (depending on how you look at it… considering the book is 450+ pages long, and dense, I’d say not bad.)
Got sick on Monday with whatever it is that Ethan has. He’s almost over it; I managed to sneeze myself into a half-hour long nosebleed yesterday, and coughing hurts like a… a thing that hurts a lot. Have you ever tried to cough gently when sick? Yeah, doesn’t work too well.
My poor, long-suffering mother has to find yet another person to help her take care of gramma (who is at home with Alzheimer’s). This will be the fourth: the woman who lives with her currently has to leave for personal reasons. Sigh.
Been getting back into music while working. Don’t know why I took such a long hiatus, but finally made an iTunes playlist of all my songs with no lyrics (635 of them). It helps me work, it does.
Two good friends are due to become parents any day now! Making beef stew for them to throw in the freezer (which is, reportedly, full of tasty goodness made by various folk) was by far the culinary adventure of the month. I haven’t made food with so much intention in a while.
The world keeps spinning. Dick Cheney stuck his foot in his mouth big time – BBC’s article is fairly neutral, but the photo speaks volumes. The story of Sony’s viral software is more than meets the eye, says Wired – it’s a great article on corporate bullshit and companies that make virus “protection” software, please read it.
When I grow up, I want a hidden door in my house.
Speaking of labyrinths, Nick Montfort has released another interactive fiction piece, his first in a while, called Book and Volume. Looks interesting. I was kind of indifferent to his Winchester’s Nightmare and absolutely loved Ad Verbum. Haven’t played any IF in a long time, perhaps it’s time to start again? :)
Burning Man 2005 has been photographed from above, and someone posted a particularly beautiful shoton Flickr.
Just because I haven’t posted any more November-photo-month pictures, doesn’t mean I haven’t been taking them. In due time.
Time to catch up on work.
