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Babushka.

December 30th, 2006 vika

My grandmother died last night. We’re flying to Lost Angels on Monday. I’m numb, don’t really know how I feel.

It was time – she’d had Alzheimer’s, had stopped recognizing my mother. None of that makes it better.

I had a dream about her last night. It involved … well, first we were sitting around a table with a very earnest Young Pioneer in dress uniform saying Very Earnest Things. Then we (babushka and I) were watching that same person on a webcast, or something. She said something inane, and we both went “That’s bullshit!” in unison. And the video stream blinked out. She then turned to me and said, “Maybe her feelings were hurt.”

The funeral will likely be on the 2nd – the day, in 2001, when my father died. Might as well make a dark day darker, I guess.

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  1. Amanda
    December 30th, 2006 at 17:56 | #1

    My condolances. I hope that your memories of her and the presence of your family make it easier to bear the weight of her passing.

    Your dream about her sounds very symbolic, was the connection you seemed to share in it representitive of your relationship in life?

  2. Yulia
    December 30th, 2006 at 18:25 | #2

    I am so sorry

    *hugs*

  3. December 30th, 2006 at 18:45 | #3

    Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this. Even after a long illness, it’s never easy to lose a loved one. Here is a poem I found moving when my grandmother died:

    i thank You God for most this amazing

    day; for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

    and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

    which is natural which is infinite which is yes.

    i who have died am alive again today,

    and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth

    day of life and of love and wings; and of the gay

    great happening illimitably earth

    how should tasting touching hearing seeing

    breathing any – lifted from the no

    of all nothing – human merely being

    doubt unimaginable You?

    (now the ears of my ears awake and

    now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

    e.e. cummings

  4. Erika
    December 30th, 2006 at 19:10 | #4

    my condolences. It is always hard to lose a loved one, even if it is “time”.

    Blessings and prayers for the journey ahead.

  5. Carl
    December 30th, 2006 at 19:24 | #5

    My thoughts will be with you and your mother. Your dream sounds nice, like a good memory.

  6. Glen
    December 30th, 2006 at 20:33 | #6

    My sympathies, Vika…. Interesting dream! I’m sorry for your loss – as others have said, it being expected or in some ways a relief doesn’t tend to make the grief any less. Thinking of you and yours as the yearly odometer rolls around once again, and we’re reminded (again) that the only constant is change. Hugs.

  7. Nikki
    December 30th, 2006 at 23:37 | #7

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Wish I were going to be on that coast when you are, to lend some in-person support.

    My uncle’s wake was on my dad’s birthday six months after dad died, so I get how you feel.

  8. Susannah
    December 31st, 2006 at 01:55 | #8

    oh, i’m sorry.

    *hugs*

  9. katre
    December 31st, 2006 at 10:50 | #9

    Oh, veek, I’m so sorry to hear it. I know what a lot she meant to you. Take care while out west and make sure to remember all the good times you’ve had.

  10. Nicole
    December 31st, 2006 at 15:42 | #10

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Strength to you and yours in this difficult time.

  11. Jacqueline
    December 31st, 2006 at 19:53 | #11

    Sorry to hear of her passing, Vika – I know how hard it can be to lose someone, even when that person has been seemingly distant from us mentally for some time and we’ve been expecting the loss. If anything, I think it makes things more difficult to take. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

  12. Sean stevens
    December 31st, 2006 at 20:04 | #12

    Many Many hugs…I send my love.

  13. lyo
    December 31st, 2006 at 21:47 | #13

    *hugs* and condolences to you and your family.

    she sounds like a wonderful person to have known.

  14. Dan Shiovitz
    January 2nd, 2007 at 01:02 | #14

    I’m so sorry for your losses, the one now and the earlier ones that you get when someone has Alzheimer’s. I hope you get some memories of her back at the funeral — I heard a lot of stories about my grandmother that I’d never heard before.

  15. Fahmi
    January 2nd, 2007 at 14:10 | #15

    Vika,

    I am so sorry to hear about this. I know how much she meant to you, and how difficult this time is for you. I will be thinking of you. Take care of yourself, and let others take care of you.

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