And some days…
you just want to put your head through the wall.
Good god, I have the thinnest skin of any human I know.
I have been interacting with some people about some work they wanted done. They thought I was their guy, I thought I was their guy, then we all separately started having our doubts, and in the end it didn’t pan out.
But it didn’t pan out in the worst way possible. In the way that makes me doubt that I’ll ever improve my diplomatic skills. In the way that makes me doubt whether I’m good enough at interpersonal politics to make it in academe. In the way that makes me angry because they contacted me and then failed to read the detailed explanation I was sending them at their own request. And, immediately after feeling angry, I feel stupid and inadequate and childish, and it’s all irrelevant anyway because although I won’t be doing this project (a good thing, if the past two weeks are any indication), I’m left with all this frustration at myself and others.
But mostly at myself.
It’s not all that bad, of course. If I am to believe my coworkers and immediate boss (and I have no reason to disbelieve them), my main job is going quite well. But, see, there nobody questions my competency, implicitly or explicitly. Nobody interrupts me every second sentence. Nobody ignores lengthy emails and asks me the questions answered in those emails. And, for the most part, I seem to be getting along with my team – and with my boss – just fine.
Of course, they all have known me for years. Surely that helps. But, damnit, I have a thin skin because I care about my coworkers and my work and the humanities and humanity. Diplomatic skills be damned; although I like to think that I am improving those. What you get is unadulterated me, throwing all my knowledge and energy and passion at most things I touch.
Now, just to figure out a way to harness this passion and not be hurt by responses to it. Simple.
YAWP.
December 22nd, 2004 at 1:18 am
I’ve had similar experience in my web-wrangling professional experience…being asked the same questions over and over in e-mails…People missing things I thought I’d made clear…
It’s frustrating but if you learn and grow it can be worth it.
From all I’ve seen you have earned great self-confidence. Don’t be afraid to use it. You won’t be wrong. ]
I’m talking from experience…
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:17 am
As long as you didn’t tell them they had the intellectual capacity of an anchovy, you should be ok.
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:35 am
Your diplomatic skills are better than a great many I’ve seen in action in the academic world. And furthermore, your diplomatic skills are just fine, never mind relative to someone else. Y’know, sez I. And while your mileage may indeed vary, if this post is any example, then even your rants and bitches are polite. *grinz*
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:41 am
it’s not you, it’s me, i mean, them!
no, seriously — unfortunately a lot of people don’t have diplomatic skills, academia isn’t an exception — and i guess you just met some…
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:42 am
the last comment was mine
i’m used to how lj prevents you from putting an anonymous comment unless you really really really want to
December 22nd, 2004 at 7:10 am
You’ve always come across to me as professional and level-headed with just the right amount of fun; a person with whom it would be pleasant to work. Oh, and a bit of a perfectionist. I think that perhaps you are being a bit too harsh and taking a disproportionate amount of the blame. It’s not *your* fault they didn’t read what you put together, and if anything, you should be mad at them for not being thorough and taking advantage of all the hard work you’d done, rather than blaming your own diplomatic skills.
Then again, I know little of the overall situation. But I’ll bet I’m not totally off-base.
December 22nd, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Vika,
You entry brings back memories and reminds me of more recent encounters. Memories of an approach about a potential project that morphs into providing a huge chunk of (free) advice on specifications. Recent encounters where the delicate shift from negotiating about doing the work to deciding to carry on or not is managed with grace and aplomb.
You do have the right stuff! You are bright and you are dedicated. Dedicated enough to tease a problem ceaselessly. Bright enough to park the ceaseless teasing in a post to your blog.
I think you have touched upon the key: a failure to read. Implicitly, you have also finessed the point: a failure to read _together_.
Maybe in future initiatial you might want to consider incorporating a conference call where those long detailed emails are discussed in meticulous point by point detail. If a conference call is coming up, questions can be parked and people can even prep for the call. There is a tremendous amount of redundancy in successful business communications. That redundancy has of course to be built in by the communicators.
And then there is the slide deck which provides a snapshot of the detailed email…
Consultancy work ain’t much different outside the academy.
Anyway your detailed explanation in an email can be cut up and repurposed for say blog entries?
All the best in 2005 with harnessing the passion in the directions you so choose!
December 22nd, 2004 at 8:53 pm
Thanks for the kind words, y’all. Francois – sadly, no, I can’t post those emails in the blog. They’re specific to the project in question, and I don’t want to give the project itself bad press.
Basically, I was asked to help build a hyooge web site based on a small part that’s already there. I proposed some changes to the UI design; these were changes that did not affect the quote and the cost to the project, but would have made the user interface scads better. Subsequently, I was roundly scolded and demeaned by the person whose baby this project is, a person who has never designed a good web interface and had been looking to me to do that work.
In the end, I got the impression that they were just looking to go through the motions, have someone do all their resourcing work for them for free, and then do it in-house. I wish them the best, really; I hope the project succeeds, regardless of who does it and despite the fearful attitudes of its wardens.